My Future…

I’ve been thinking about my future… There are something I must face soon or later… Yesterday, my father told me, he’ll sell the house we’re living and buy a smaller house just for us… Well.. I have no objection or there’s nothing I can do. I didn’t say anything, just listen. I wish there are something I can do… I want to study overseas but my father couldn’t afford it…
There are something funny about me… It’s I feel uncomfortable studying in Macau. Why? Maybe because I had alot of bad childhood memories running around… I’ve faced alot of difficulties, most of them were without anybodies help. When I’m at home, I dont want to study nor doing homework… But I want to do it… There are no proper place for me to do. Sometimes I always think, “What the hell am I doing?”… I dont really like to stick in front of my computer everyday, but… … …
I’ve been thinking about myself these holidays… What should I do? I know I can do something about it… But… I just can’t control myself. Only If I can study overseas… and It’s not going to happen. My grades are not that good, why? Because I dont want to study, but I’m feeling stupid by doing that… I think, I dont have any true friends beside me… I wish I have… Maybe that’s the reason I always sticking to my computer, talk to my internet friends instead of talking with my friends in Macau… None of my friends truly know about me… Some of my friends like to attack me with words… I hate.. but I don’t always show my emotion in front of my friends.
The mask I wore, is a heavy one… If I take it off, I dont think I can live… There are nobody that can truly understand me, help me or listen to me… For people that really found one, man… you’re lucky. I love to help people, but in the end, they treat me like a shit. When a friend of mine had asked me for help, I’ll do whatever I can… but… don’t think they’ll treat you real good… Sometimes I think, do I really deserve this? This world is cruel… Sometimes I found alot of happiness, but what I found more were sadness.
I think… I must find something for me to pursue… I don’t have a dream or something like that to pursue, maybe that makes me no motivation to do anything.
Now the problems I must face are:
1. What am I going to after graduating from 9th Grade? (I’ll try my best to pass… If I can control myself)
R: I dont know… I am studying Portuguese now, maybe I am going to study English…

I might going to edit this post If something comes up… later